Story Alert! Please read and rate!?
Thursday, October 15th, 2009Okay I made this up while I was on vacation on Lake Tahoe!
It was cold, it was getting dark, and Angel couldn’t find it in her self to leave this mysterious place.
Angel was not her name of course, but everyone had called her that from the day she was born, and she didn’t like it.
She was as normal as everyone else, she only did things to help, but when she was born, it wasn’t her fault she was weak.
She had been born as an infant with a fatal disease that had made her weak, and very small as a baby. All the doctors had said she wouldn’t make it, but her mother prayed, and Angel survived, and was named Angel, taken to death, and brought back into her mother’s arms by an angel they said.
After that her mother always told her, Angel be wise, death took you once, don’t let it take you again, be kind and always treat others as you would yourself." She brought her up on Christian beliefs, and told her if she wanted a place in this world, she must always help and do her best to repay god for letting her live.
Of course Angel obied by these rules, and grew up as a saint. When she was three years old she made a speech for her deceased grandfather that made every eye in the room tear up.
Then when she was five, she saved a whole family of cats from a fire, by almost getting herself killed.
After that she saved a man from drowning when she was eight from using the kiss of life.
She did countless deeds that got her medals from the mayor, and honor awards as best citizen. Everyone in the town knew her as just Angel. But after her mother died, things changed.
Her mother had been the former sweetheart of the town, loved by everyone. Her father became rich from all the gifts people had given them. Everyone had loved her, and after her death everyone was aggravated, and heart brokenly sad.
"How is going to take care of poor saint Angel?" "Who will treat her garden?" "Where will her house go?" "Who will bring the spirit of the town?" All the questions swirled. Everyone knew her father, as the scum he was, and know one cared about him.
Her mother had had an arranged marriage, as family tradition, only Angel was permitted not to, she was going to end the family line, but after her mother’s death, it was her father who decided. He told her she must marry to have a roof over her head because he wasn’t paying for her.
He was a ruthless man, a tyrant, and had always hated Angel for her beauty, and how she looked like her mother and not him. She had golden curly hair, sky blue eyes, and her perfect smile, nothing like her father’s dark brown locks, muddy eyes, and stern mouth. He hated her every much as he had hated her mother, and she couldn’t stand to have to marry a man like that? What man would agree to such an abomination?
But now Angel had died too, poor angel everyone said, but Angel wanted to know her real name, so she checked the town court, and they told her, and it surprised even her. Her name was Abigale Towney, but tomorrow it would be Abigale Aubry.
The Aubry’s were the richest family in the whole town every knew, and when Mr. Aubry also known as Mr. Kind heard that the Angel had been abandoned, he swooped in and proposed his son marry her.
Without asking her if she approved, her father arranged it, and sent her off to become a bride at 15. The boy, whatever his name was 16, and Angel hated him already, for him to have agreed just made her…madder than Angel had ever been in her life.
How could he do that, just take her, and force her to marry him at so young, her mother never would have approved, but now she had no choice.
Her mother was gone, and she had no one know, and without the marriage, she would surely become just another beggar off the street, everyone was rich here, and no one wanted an abandoned child. Even if she was the angel, only the kindest would take her in.
She would have to marry that boy, and tomorrow, she would be Mrs. Aubry, a Mrs at age 15! It still surprised her.
She looked up at the wide window with the pearly flower designs, and the organ with the white blanket cover. There was a long white carpet with roses embroidered on it.
She remembered very well what the roses were for, her grandmother had made that, it was the marriage blanket, and every couple that walked on it got its own rose with their names and year of marriage.
She walked up the isle, practicing, taking her time. This was what she had come here for, the name, the name of her groom. She saw the smiling faces of everyone looking on her from the roses, all the pictures of the happy couples, she would not be happy.
She finally found the last rose. 2010 Mr. and Mrs. Aubry was all it said, with no picture yet, that would be taken at the wedding. She sighed, no name, well Mr. Aubry, I guess we’ll leave you nameless.
She walked back down the aisle, counting her steps…
Here comes the bride, wait til she dies, her mother is gone, and she’s s
Here comes the bride, wait till she dies, her mother is gone, and she’s so lonelllllly. She hummed the words, and tears fell on the roses.
"WOO HOO, TODAY IS THE DAY I GET THE HOUSE TO MYSELF, AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT, GET UP BRIDE, YOUR HUSBAND TO BE IS WAITING! OH BOY AM I HAPPY!" Pa was cheering yanking the covers off her bed like a hooligan.
She sat up, her eyes wide with astonishment, her father beamed at her. "Come on Rain Drop, you’re getting married, your gonna leave the house, your all grown up, let’s go!"
He was happy of course, he would get all the money to himself, and someone else would have to feed me, and take care of me now. He had only done it for six months, but now she was already leaving.
She rolled out of bed, and checked her clock 10am, they would get married at exactly 12, and that was when she would see her groom. It was a weird wedding, she would have a veil, she couldn’t see through, and only when he kissed her would she see him, oh boy!
She then went her closet, completely emptied out, and picked out her one outfit, a long white dress, her wedding gown. All her clothes were already in her new home, a house just off where his parents lived, a nice house, three times her home now. She sighed, and pulled the dress out of its cover.
The big white bells above the door were polished, the golden booths were shiny, and every single row was filled, people were crowded outside. She almost had to close her ears as she came up the pathway. It was time, she only had a few minutes, and everyone else was in line, all her bride’s maids, the little flower girl, the ring barrier, everyone was ready. She stepped behind them all, still no smile.
Everyone was cheering. "Hooray for Angel!" "She’s getting married!" "Aw she’s so beautiful!" She was used to their excitement.
She was an icon in her city, the angel, and the angel would now get to meet her prince, and she hated him, now that was a story plot twist.
It was beautiful, she had seen it a million times, and it had always awed her, she used to think, man one day I’m gonna wear that and be the happiest woman in the world, well she wasn’t feeling too hot.
This dress had been passed down in her family for five generations, she was the sixth, and now she was going to marry someoen she didn’t know, just as her five ancestors did, her mother, her grandmother, her great grandma, great great grandma, and so on.
It was long, it a train as big was the room, with flowers all over it. The chest was cut in a V, innocent, and not too low. There were flowers all over the chest part, and a V waist, that led out into a poufy bottom. Her sleeves were long, and V backed to her middle finger, with sheer lace that was see through, more white flowers. And finally, the veil that went atop her curly golden hair, and covered her forhead in pure whtie silk, but her lips were in the plain lace, see able.
She sighed, and began to take off her clothes, slipping the dress on easy. She was a small 5′3, and had to have the dress fitted, but now it worked perfect. She put on her high heel white shoes with more lace, and her guarder on her thigh.
She couldn’t believe it she was getting dressed for her wedding alone, silently and miserable, not what she had imagined.
She then went to the bathroom to fix her hair, it was very simple, her hair was always bouncy and curly, and you didn’t have to comb it. It was always shiny and perfect, and never messed up, but she didn’t want it down today, she wanted to stand proud, and look spohisticated, older than her mere 15 years.
She took her up into a straight pony tail, and let the curls roll down her back to her waist, but this was different, and she had made this decision a long time ago, it wasn’t the only reason she was putting it up. She took the end of her curly pony tail, and began to chop with her scissors, cutting several inches off.
She kept chopping until it was a shoulder length pony tail. She held her shoulders straight looking on the long curly locks on the floor. She left them there. Then she added the tiara to the effect by placing her veil on her head like a crown, pushing it back so she could see.
She looked like a golden Angel, like she always did, and this was her wedding day, and she wasn’t smiling.
She went down the stair as slow as possible, but when her faher came, he grabbed her and rushed her down. "Come on prissy, your gonna be late, you only have 45 minuets, you took forever to get dressed!
She sighed, only wishing it could have been forever. Of course, he didn’t say she looked nice, he was used to her beauty, everyone was, but everyone else still said something. She huffed and got in the car, for once angry at her beauty, she ahdn’t much noticed it before, but now was when it would matter most.
She should look her best on her wedding day, with a smile, no smile present, she was really getting depressed.
The car ride was long, and tiresome, and pretty much boring, and when they finally got there, she made no attempt at looking amazed, she had snuck out to see it, and she already knew.
She choked back her tears and held her breath, willing her eyes not to be red when he pulled off her veil, her veil.
She wasn’t even listening the preacher droned; she was waiting for her part now, focused. Another tear slipped, and something came on her cheek, that soft hand, and whipped the tear off, she would have cried more.
Her mom was the only one allowed to touch her that way, no one had the right, and she needed her mom. The hand had done her job, but not very good, she wasn’t feeling comforted at all, not with his warm touch still lingering on her cold face.
The crowd let out another round of Awes. And she wanted to just tell them to be quiet, and not make her feel worse.
The rings came and went, she put his on, with his finger’s guidance, and he slipped hers on carefully, it felt weird on her finger, out of place, nothing went on that finger…and she wished it wasn’t there.
The big white bells above the door were polished, the golden booths were shiny, and every single row was filled, people were crowded outside. She almost had to close her ears as she came up the pathway. It was time, she only had a few minutes, and everyone else was in line, all her bride’s maids, the little flower girl, the ring barrier, everyone was ready. She stepped behind them all, still no smile.
Everyone was cheering. "Hooray for Angel!" "She’s getting married!" "Aw she’s so beautiful!" She was used to their excitement.
She was an icon in her city, the angel, and the angel would now get to meet her prince, and she hated him, now that was a story plot twist.
Then the music began and everyone began to walk in, the doors to the church opening and closing. Then it was her turn.
Angel stepped up to the door, and looked grim, her father quickly laced his arm through hers, he was beaming. "I love you honey…make me proud!" He said, which shocked her, and then the doors opened.
"Veil!" My dad said and quickly smacked my head almost pushing it down to cover my eyes, I completely forgot. Then he was leading, I had no idea where to go, but all I heard was gasping, and crying and silence except for the wedding march….
"Here comes the bride, all dressed in white…" Her dad hummed, she kept her face straight.
Then her father took her hand and put it in another, a cold hand, a softer hand, the hand held hers for a minute, then helped her up the steps, one hand on her waist.
She was up, and she looked coldly forward, knowing he could not see her as much as she could not see him. She was getting married, and her mother wasn’t watching.
A tear fell down her face, and then something happened, more tears, her eyes got all red and tears were flowing freely. She sniffled, and then caught her breath before she sobbed. The crowd let out a bunch of Awes, and she stopped.
She choked back her tears and held her breath, willing her eyes not to be red when he pulled off her veil, her veil.
Then the preacher said the words…"Do you take this man…to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold for…" She listened, and just on cue she said coldly. "I do" too fast for him to finish the last word, he stuttered then continued.
And at that moment when it was his turn to speech, she choked up…he was going to kiss her, the realization just hit her, her first kiss, a stranger, her husband. Her mouth almost fell open.
"I do…" he said in a voice almost as cold as Angel’s…maybe he was as mean as her father, then those hands were at her neck, pulling the veil off, oh boy.
Then the whole crowd gasped for what was behind that veil shocked everyone, a beautiful blue eyed girl, eyes open astonished, tears sparkling on her eyelashes, the spitted image of her mother at the stand.
Then the preacher said the words…"Do you take this man…to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold for…" She listened, and just on cue she said coldly. "I do" too fast for him to finish the last word, he stuttered then continued.
And at that moment when it was his turn to speech, she choked up…he was going to kiss her, the realization just hit her, her first kiss, a stranger, her husband. Her mouth almost fell open.
"I do…" he said in a voice almost as cold as Angel’s…maybe he was as mean as her father, then those hands were at her neck, pulling the veil off, oh boy.
Then the whole crowd gasped for what was behind that veil shocked everyone, a beautiful blue eyed girl, eyes open astonished, tears sparkling on her eyelashes, the spitted image of her mother at the stand.
She wasn’t even listening the preacher droned; she was waiting for her part now, focused. Another tear slipped, and something came on her cheek, that soft hand, and whipped the tear off, she would have cried more.
Her mom was the only one allowed to touch her that way, no one had the right, and she needed her mom. The hand had done her job, but not very good, she wasn’t feeling comforted at all, not with his warm touch still lingering on her cold face.
The crowd let out another round of Awes. And she wanted to just tell them to be quiet, and not make her feel worse.
The rings came and went, she put his on, with his finger’s guidance, and he slipped hers on carefully, it felt weird on her finger, out of place, nothing went on that finger…and she wished it wasn’t there.
Sorry its so long, I’ve been working on it for a while, and I just now got to put it down…if you want to read the rest I have right now email me at
Kayberry6@gmail.com
That’s a good start! Now you should describe some of the early incidents in Angel’s life in detail. You could include a little foreshadowing of the poor relationship between her parents.
When Angel walks up the aisle to marry the young man she has never met, you can describe her initial fear, and then her reaction when she first sets eyes on him. You can describe his appearance briefly, and then concentrate on his facial expression as he sees her for the first time too, and his voice as he recites his vows. He’s probably not any more eager for this match than she is.
The most interesting part of the story will be the way these two very young people adapt to being married. Do they get lots of support and encouragement from the people of the town? How do they minimize her father’s attempts to control them? What are his parents like? Does the young couple make a private agreement to hold off on any sexual activity until they get to know each other better?
Your story is more like a plot outline at the moment. It needs to be a narrative, that is, a readable story. You also should have somebody who’s really good in English help you edit it for sentence structure, spelling, and punctuation.
