How to Make Beautiful Flower Arrangements

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…. feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty
______________________________________…
Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty
______________________________________…
Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty
______________________________________…
Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty
______________________________________…
Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

_____________________________________
Company Memo

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: October 6, 2009

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan
lainiebsky,
Yes, I got this several years back and also 3 days ago. I still find it funny. And I think this sort of thing is possible in Vancouver where I live because our population is so diverse and multi-cultural.

That one has been around for a few years now. They just keep changing the date.

I am a good father. I have a 7 year old girl and 5 year old boy. I have a 5 bedroom home. They have their own rooms. I get them every Thursday. I take them to school every Friday morning. On my weedends, I pick them back up Friday and take them to school Monday. I had to beg for this time. I told my ex that if she would give me that time I would agree to my Child Support to go up. My child support tripled and I took on twice the total time with my kids.

The point is that I love spending time with my kids and I would give anything to spend more time with them. I have never missed a weekend and provide med insurance for them, I provide them with their own rooms, their own clothes, toys, movies, music, take them to church. I do all of these things and yet I still get grief from their step dad, he tells me I’m not a man when I came to pick my kids up today. He told me that my child support of $1,300 + $330 for med insurance isn’t enough and she isn’t happy and the important thing is to keep her happy. And that I will screw everything up and if I want everyone to get along I need to give her a check tonight. (She spent her money assuming the new C.S. check was coming and it’s not due till my next check. And she says I should have told her. I told her, I don’t write the check and she new it wasn’t due yet, but for some reason… I owe her. Not according to the attorney general but according to her. But yet instead of talking to me she gets her husband to go talk to me when I pick my kids up.

The last time he did this, I arranged for my kids (with my ex) to pick my kids up on her sunday because they were the ring barrer and flower girl in my brother’s wedding. When I showed up, HE decided he didn’t like that idea, wouldn’t let me have them when I showed up, pulled a gun on me, told me to leave and slammed the door. I punched the window on his door and ended up getting 10 months probation, 80 hours community service and paid back $2,500 to him for the window and court fees.

So how do I get this to stop. She won’t stop it, she is the one provoking it. He is very very cocky and irrogant. The most irregant person I have every known. He has a way of pushing your buttons because he knows I can do nothing about it. When I was married to my ex, she knew him and mentioned he was an irregant prick that treats his wife like crap… So I just don’t know what to do. It takes every pride swallowing inch of my buddy to not beat the crap out of him. I don’t fight, but this guy wouldn’t be a problem. He was always the guy making more money, and providing more than I could for my kids. This last past year I got a huge pay raise, new house, new truck. My ex wife is very materialistic and I have all the things the begged me to have when we were together. He can’t get them for her and now I have them with my current wife. I don’t know if this has anything to do with it. Like he has to belittle me because of his self esteem issues…

It sounds like you are a wonderful father.Wait in the car for the kids to come out.After that altercation I would never set foot in his house again.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Annual Office Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols. Feel free to sing
along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however,no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we’re calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no
Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung.We will have other
types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++…
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table… you didn’t sign your name. I’m
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads "AA Only" you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union
members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++…
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off
on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package
every- thing for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy.
Will that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men’s table. However, to the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short
people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot
control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with
high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as
dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar"
desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F**king Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The F**king Holiday Party

Vegetarians!! I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f**king salad bar, including
organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them
scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk
and die, you hear me?
The **** from HELL!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Katie
1 day ago – 2 days left to answer.
Report It

funny. Been there actually.

The Christmas Party – not far from reality –

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Annual Office Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols. Feel free to sing
along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however,no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we’re calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no
Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung.We will have other
types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table… you didn’t sign your name. I’m
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads "AA Only" you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union
members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off
on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package
every- thing for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy.
Will that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men’s table. However, to the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short
people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot
control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with
high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as
dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar"
desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F**king Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The F**king Holiday Party

Vegetarians!! I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f**king salad bar, including
organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them
scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk
and die, you hear me?
The **** from HELL!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Katie
Star if you like??
Thanks for the Star!!:):)

ha ha ha it was long but star worthy ^-^

From: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2007
Re: Office Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols. Please feel free to sing along. Don’t be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party.

I wish a Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Sincerely,
Pauline

*********************************************************************************************

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our ‘Holiday Party’. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.

There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline

************************************************************************************************
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?!

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.

************************************************************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2007

RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food, so we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics. The restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline

*************************************************************************************************

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F******g Employees
DATE: 8th November 2007
RE: The F******g Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks – I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, you’ll get your f******g salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. Oh yes, I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday. Drink, drive, and die!
The B***ch from H**L!!!

*************************************************************************************************
FROM: John Bishop – Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 9th November 2007
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
Forgot to put this on for Christmas

haha shame man