Should I write a letter 9 months later to the woman who decided to "cross the line?"?
Recap: We filed for divorce, lived together, slept together 5 months into it. He told me repeatedly he loved me. the reason for the filing as I previously wrote, was because my husband hates my oldest (22yr.)son,which he’s been his dad for 16 yrs. I was asked to "choose" b/n him and continuing to have a relationship with my son- who has some problems that he didn’t need his mother turning her back on him for. The caviot: I have raised my husband"s daughter which hasn’t been easy, unforgiving at times, but I am still her mother. I would never ask him to choose, I would have helped him in any way I could and do now.
In short, on the 6th month after my husband escalating to a degree noone could imagine, I signed myself and our 13yr old up for a divorce care class @ a local church. He followed us, intruded, made it diificult to return. 2weeks later he befriended a lady who sat across from us that was crying because of her own husband’s infidelity- who filed just 7 weeks before. In less than 3 weeks she & my husband arranged 2 dates, he sent her flowers and texts, then they landed in a budget chain hotel on the 2nd date. He still lived with me, he clearly was sneaking around and so was she. They knew they were married and they knew it was wrong. (There’s more detail in a previous post from me) Please read it from Friday. We dropped the divorce, are in marriage counseling.
This woman thinks I don’t know who she is, and I want to confront her or rather let her know that I am very aware of the pathetic "hook-up" circumstances and how low down I think she is. I am more pissed that she had the nerve to cross the line into my life, to believe one-sided drama & lies -that have since came forward, to "pretend" she/he were divorced, to pass judgement on me, to sleep with my husband and do to me what she was obviously crying about was done to her in the first meeting. Insecure, desparate, needy? Playing the comfort me, rescue me victim and my husband randomly trying to reassert an ego thru detached sexual gratification? I have the letter written. Incidentally, my husband is accountable and has taken responsibilty. I know he is ashamed of himself- he shows it. This hussy thinks she got silently away with something. I would like her to feel her shame. Let me know what you think.
I’d have addressed this issue in front of the divorce group to make her squirm or, if that’s no longer possible, I’d "mention" it the next time I bump into one or three of the group’s leaders. You should confront her in front of other people, like her (ex)husband, as she possesses a lot of cunning and doesn’t sound like the type to stop if she can weasel her way out of something.
- Pepper.
February 28th, 2010 at 7:34 pm
You should absolutely let her know.
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February 28th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
I believe in confronting those who have offended me especially when they do it behind my back and think they are getting away with it. It is my way of letting them know they are busted and I’m not as stupid as I may look
. When you confront people, you should do it in a tactful, nonthreatening manner (of course, you know that). If you don’t confront her, later on when you think about this, you’ll wish you had. Get it off your chest as soon as possible.
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February 28th, 2010 at 8:40 pm
I’d have addressed this issue in front of the divorce group to make her squirm or, if that’s no longer possible, I’d "mention" it the next time I bump into one or three of the group’s leaders. You should confront her in front of other people, like her (ex)husband, as she possesses a lot of cunning and doesn’t sound like the type to stop if she can weasel her way out of something.
- Pepper.
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February 28th, 2010 at 9:28 pm
Yep! Send the letter! She deserves every ounce of shame that you heap on her!
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February 28th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
Sounds like you were played by both. I don’t understand why you aren’t as upset with your husband as you are with her. It takes two tango and he obviously did not care about your feelings.
How do you know he is not faking that he feels bad? If he cheated on you this is probably not the first time. You should have the same feelings for him as you do for her.
My advice is drop them both. You can’t control how people treat you sometimes, but you can control how you react to them. He obvious did something and did not care.
I know you have kids and I don’t think it is selfish for you to leave. What was selfish was him cheating and then playing this game of I am sorry.
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February 28th, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Write the letter to what end? You’ve vented in YA in two long posts, and do you feel better? I don’t think she’s unaware that what she did was wrong, so your letter won’t be a newsflash for her. And yes, she crossed a line, but your husband let her cross it. If your husband has stepped up to the plate and is working with you to a committed marriage, "letting the hussy know she didn’t get with anything" just reopens old wounds. I say let it drop and focus on your new life with your husband.
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February 28th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
I would rather confront her to her face. Or I would ask her to read the letter while I was there.
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February 28th, 2010 at 10:34 pm
I totally get where you are coming from, in your position i think i would want to do the same thing.
on the other hand though it seems to me like this woman was trying to gain power from what she did. many victims turn into their attacker, children who are molested often molest children when they are adults for example (not that this is any where near the same scale as that). it seems to me that she wanted to be the woman with the power, not the victim. I don’t think what she did was right, i don’t even think that it is justifiable, but i do see what could have brought her to do it.
I think if you are secure in your current relationship you should just forget this woman. clearly she is insecure, hurt and messed up, whereas you have salvaged your relationship and your husband is genuinely remorseful. you’re lucky and she is not. you don’t need to speak to her to make her feel ashamed, she will see you happy and secure in your life and that will give her more cause to be ashamed than anything you could say to her. by not confronting her you also show her that you don’t see her as a threat, don’t give her the satisfaction of thinking that you care. good luck, and i’m very glad you and your husband are together again!
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